2008 Oy-Vey

Well, 2007 is coming to an end. I feel it was a great year. Resolutions:
1. Speak in full sentences, using subject and verbs.
2. Change own diaper.
3. Get I-phone
4. Strengthen core-ab muscles.
5. Read Death be not Proud.
6. Get blog sponsors.

2007: Emma went to school twice a week, I sang Mr. Cellaphane Man and impregnated my wife. I’m not supposed to know the sex but I’ve just started telling people it’s a boy. According to the experts, we’re not supposed to tell Emma a baby brother or sister is awaiting her in late April of 2008. Toddlers are not big on visualizing the future. In any case, she’ll find out soon enough, and the family will have grown, doubled!

One semester down

Well, I've completed my first semester of school. I feel I'm ready for Kindergarden or freshman year at Columbia.

Our goal is to have Emma finish college before she is 18 and surpass any of Mayor Bloomberg's educational guide posts.

Holiday Greetings

With December 25th looming ahead my parents decided to make a Holiday card. Do you think it's strange they included themselves in the card? It's kind of cute, they still think thier image is of interest to other people.

I don't know why I included myself and my beautiful wife in the pic. I kind of know people just want to see the truly cute 2 and a half year old angel but maybe some people will respect my good cheer and good wishes.

Nor-easter

I don't like the way my dad says "Nor-easter." It sounds like he's afraid. So I told him, "Daddy, bagel." And in deed we survived the winds coming off the hudson, the slushy ice, the pepply rain and enjoyed a toasted bagel.

It's true, every once in a while I feel afraid. I pretend the wind can cause no harm, and yet the nor-easter sends a chill through me, for wild winds don't care what a nice person I am.

Sticker Art

I am a sticker artist. I find some people shrug and giggle when I declare my sticker work to be art. My palette of stickers is vast, and I use it to paint portraits of my world. I live in a world of candy canes, dogs, lions and beach balls. I live in a world of Elmo, tabloid journalism and Oprah, and believe me, there are stickers for every part of our world. I love when things are sticky on the back and can put them where ever I want. Today is Chanukah, and I took a giant snoopy sticker and stuck it on my shirt. I don't feel that has anything to do with Chanukah, except, maybe just as the Maccabees were out of oil but had light, we have Snoopy stickers.

I have been drawing and making wooden birds for years but some days long to be a sticker artist. I wonder if Duchamp would have been a sticker artist if he were alive today.

Up and at 'em - Snow Pants!

"Up and at 'em!" The first snow of the year. I put on my brown snow pants, up! fleece hat and mittens on, and at em! I just finished reading the History of the Snowman, by Bob Eckstein who gave me a lot to think about as I contemplate making my very first snow man.

Emma did great in the snow. I got on her boots, parker, hat and mittens, so I was on top of things. The snow pants actually were a smart purchase, as she slipped and fell on her bum at least four times. It's always good as a parent when things you've been a part of work out in your child's best interest.

DRESSSSS

So, I go over the GWB in a black velvet party dress for the Thanksgiving. Is it me, or does it sometimes seem little kids have to get more dressed up than the adults they emulate.

Emma looked great.

First Bubble Bath makes you wonder

Yes, enjoying my first bubble bath, it makes me wonder if life could be this great, why did my parents wait so long to give me this super-fun bath, and if my whole life could be this heavenly, is it up to me to get the bubbles. Lately my dad's been complaining about the economy and how it would be better to Euros. Bubbles make things super great. If bubbles were everywhere, in the subway, the mall, the sewers, the economy would pick up. My favorite bubble bath is manufactured by Elmo bath co.

I think Emma has an interesting perspective. My layers of bubbles, causing a wall of white foam, could help the economy. I just want her to be clean, though my wife yells at me, because bubbles are notoriously bad for babies skin.

to the Museum

It's a cold and bitter Saturday, what better to do than take our toddler to the
Museum, see the bones of old turtles, ferocious monsters, over sized birds that want to snag and eat young children. Well, my parents were the only ones to think this is fun, the museum was overflowing. My dad waited on line, while my mom and me sat on a nice bench, for 20 minutes. I don't know, they should have enough money to light the rooms, but many are dark. I let my parents know I didn't like being led into a hall of darkness with whales, fish and cavemen. They seemed shocked, and dismayed.
Fortunately we made it to Arties for snacks.

It's not easy being a dad. I thought going to the museum was like a magic gift I was giving my wife and child. Really, it was liked putting myself through hell just so I could sit in on my couch and say to myself. "I made it thought hell. My wife and child were not in awe of what I'd accomplished, the taxi ride, the coat check in, the diaper bag packing, the carrying the baby. This is why back is so sore. I was just doing what I was supposed to do, you know.

Why do I have to wear diapers

The eternal question, Why do I have to wear diapers? I believe that I think there for I am, but diapers. I've started diapering Elmo. He actually likes it.
My mom and dad protest, "No more diapers for Elmo." They think I don't know the cost of Pampers. I do, and I don't care. If I have to wear these crinkly polyester monstrosities than Elmo can also.

The New Face of Baby Gap

My dad is obsessed with Baby Gap. He loves walking around, picking out shirts, pants, socks; the cuter the better. He wishes mens clothes were as cute as Baby Gap. He's on Baby Gap's e-mail list and got an open call for the cutest baby.
His hearts in the right place, he just doesn't think big picture. Being the face of Gap Baby is a step away from toddler beauty contests. One always wonders, how did she get started in Toddler pagents. This is how! He's so desperate for people to tell him how cute he is, so her interprets my cuteness compliments to also be a recognition of his cuteness.
Julie, my super-cool aunt took this photo. She's registered some photos of me being held in the air by my dad with a stock photo agency.

Elmo and Me

I am trying to figure out why I love Elmo so much. It's almost like an obsession. I think of Elmo while I sleep, I have an Elmo shirt, he's even on my diapers. I recently got an Elmo umbrella and I can't wait for it to rain.

Emma does love Elmo. Maybe we are fueling a relationship that is unhealthy. Maybe both my wife Adina and I have a need for a fuzzy red man with an orange nose who is never unhappy.

Display of Strength

Look at me, I am hanging from a bar. My da-dee took this photo with his cell phone. I feel really fantastic holding my own weight up in mid-air, like there's nothing I can't do.

A Capozzi Moment

This dress is reversable. On one side red with white pokka-dots, on the other, white with red. I went to the Capozzi pool. Mamma Rochelle mad a house just for kids, with miniature chairs, pictures and tables. Even the ceilings are low, about six feet high. Unfortunately she didn't install mini air conditioning and my parents almost passed out.

Tina Capozzi runs a dating service for wealthy thin people. I hope when I fall in love it will be under an apple tree and won't involve Tina Capozzi.

Vacation Over

Well, I'm back in New York City. It was a never ending adventure of sun, heat, hotel port-a-cribs, late nights, red bulls and putting all my posessions through those conveyor belts at the airport. I got my grand-ma hooked on Elmo DVDs, which was easier than I thought it would be.

3 Blonde cousins

Rachel, Sarah and Shophie, my super fun cousins in Marin County, California, showed me the ropes in Marin. I don't have to go to bed at 7, as my parents told me. They stay up much later, and rarely if ever nap. We stayed up till 9, even ten o'clock, talking about the meaning of life and advanced theories of ball throwing and hopscotch. They run around in their own private garden with sunflowers and climbing gyms. They traing three hours a day to be Olympic gymnists. People in Marin like to explore their bodies in public, eat organic foods and take bubble baths. I like having cousins in Marin.

Woodstock Animal Sanctuary

Here I am at the Woodstock Farm animal sanctuary. I met Carly, who protected June Bug, a nine week old pig. Mommy kept saying RADIANT, RADIANT. No one knew why she was yelling that word. Woodstock is a strange town. Everyone just seems to sit around selling old stuff. Apparently, this is the home of peace, love and forgiveness. They have good muffins.

We visited my dad's friend, whose name is supposed to be Sally. Apparently, she uses and alias in town, so people won't know her real name. "It's a small town, everyone knows what everyone is doing." Sally go defensive and said, "How do you know Sally is even my real name." Adults can be so complex.

My Big Birthday Bash

Here I am, my second birthday walking on a grass field in my party dress. It was a sunny morning and all the parents were lounging around on blankets. My daddy through out foam balls, colored slinkees, drums with little noisy balls attatched to them, tiny organs from his wacky giant case. He lead everyone in song. I wish all days were like this.

OUR BABY SITTER DIDN'T SHOW. I HAD TO GET 24 CUPCAKES, A FOLDING TABLE, 24 BABY PROOF WATER BOTTLES, BLANKETS, GIFT BASKETS WITH BABY SWEATBANDS, BENDABLES, SLINKEES PLUS ALL THE TOYS FOR THE SING ALONG, NAPKINS, A TABLE CLOTH, COOLERS FOR ICE, ICE AND MY WIFE FROM MY APARTMENT DOWN THE BOTTOM OF A HILL IN RIVERSIDE PARK, UNDER A TREE. THAT I ACCOMPLISHED ALL THESE THINGS AND IT HASN'T BEEN COVERED IN ANY NEWS OUTLET SHOWS THE DISCREPANCY IN WHAT IS NEWS WHAT IS REPORTED. I WAS AWESOME.

Speeding Carousel

Raging horses, popping up and down, manic lights, jestures, clowns, the horror of spinning nostalgia is not my idea of fun. Yet, this is where I found myself for Edan's birthday party. My dad held me for dear life. He has absolutely no riding experience. I stopped screaming and shaking, as he was sweating and twitching, mumbling and praying to god for the ride to end. I enjoyed the sugary cupcakes Shelly gave me on a Shrek plate, a just reward.

It's true, I got a little scarred and the carousal went faster than I expected. Being a New York daddy is never as mellow as I foolishly think it's going to be. Emma is a super baby, and nothing is going to stop her from experiencing all there is to experience. I'm rambling, tormented late night daddy ramble.

Summer Vacation

So happy, it's summer. Here I am returning from Stanford, Connecticut on the Metro North.
We were at Jacob Boemh's 8th brithday party at his grand parents fancy by the Sound. The Sound is a giant body of water like a lake, but called the Sound. There were grilled sausage and older kids swimming in cold-water pool. I just loved being with my mom and dad on the train heading home. I took a leisurely stroller nap along the shady country roads. I recommend giving it a try.

the heat of a baby b-day

Hi friends. Here I am at the hottest birthday party on earth. They held it at the top of the YMCA on 63rd Street. It was on the roof of a 20 story building. The playground was radiating with the bright heat from the sun. They wanted to have the party as close to the sun as possible.
My dad quickly left the roof, going to an air conditioned Starbucks, which seems to be his home away from home. The coffee baristers seem like his extended family.

Dad better have mental development leaps like baby

Emma is set up to zoom down the slide. I wait below to both catch her and take her picture. Unfortunately, it is not possible to do both, so sometimes she just zooms off the edge and lands on her butt.
I'm not a perfect dad, which is hard to accept. I mean I'm not perfect and examples pop up all the time, but I have to at the very least seem enthusiastic and competant, for Emma, for the other parents. The worst thing would be for other parents to question my precense in the play ground.
"What are you doing here?"
I'm here for my daughter, Emma.
"Oh, I didn't think you, I mean, Oh, you're a father." All the commas are pauses that linger like butterflies.

Sassy Brand Letters

Who has time to bathe? Once I feel like composing a phrase, a thought, a sonnet, I just press my Sassy brand letters against the tiles of the tub. My dad is always looking for ways to stretch my mind, as if it were made of silly putty. Actually, it is made of a substance similiar to silly putty.

Abstract Expressionist

When I lift my crayon, I feel power. It will land on the paper and I will create a new world. Not only that, it will be a perfect world.

A lot of critics are so demanding, "Are you an abstract expressionist like de Kooning?"
People are always desperate to pigeonhole genius.

swamped

People always want to know what I've been up to, museums, dvds, the gym, internet dating. Whatever! I'm swamped. I have so many calls to make, by 1 o'clock I'm ready for a nap. So if I don't call you back, realize that it's nothing personal. I really love everyone, at this point in my life. I just have a little too much going on.

Car seats no more

Car seats are annoying. My parents seem to think I need to be strapped in for safety. I am ready to go, go, go.

Here I am riding a prehistoric elephant like creature. When I grow up I plan to grow wings and fly, or get a pilot's license.

Let's get serious in 2007

Happy New Year. "Wow!" I started off 2007 in the Bahamas. Here you can see me partying on a giant lobster. Behind me is a giant mushroom, part of Atlantis, a kids paradise. There are sharks, stingrays and buffets galore.

To all my peeps, I'm back in New York after visiting my Grandma Renee and Grandpa Charles. They kept the New Years Celebration rocking. They're friendly with Dick Clark and love watching Bonanza at full volume. This year I want to learn to knit, gamble and speak in full sentences.