Friday, April 24, 2009

These are "Horrific"

These are the proofs for my school picture. Miss Holden handed them to my dad and he said, "These are horrific." My mom loved them and is going to order a package deal. Beautiful or Horrific? You decide.

I was both shocked by the photos and by my visceral response. My wife says I take things way to seriously and this is the way school photos always are.
Why is Emma holding flowers? Is it a school photo or a kids beauty pageant? Why is there a white picket fence, isn't she going to school in the city? Miss Holden told me I wouldn't have to buy the pictures. I shook my head and sighed because she doesn't know Adina. There is no question that I'm going to buy these bizarro school photos.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Warm Weather = Madness

My dad took me to Central park to meet a girl named Brianna for a play date. "Emma would you like to go on a special play date. We'll take the train to Central Park."
Sounded innocent enough.
Swarms of toddlers descended upon a concrete mountain. There was a latter in the middle of the mountain. Kids were climbing up and down the one latter at the same time. Not a pretty sight.

DADDY: It was terrifying watching Emma descend into the bee-hive of New York Toddlers. Boys were climbing over her tiny limbs, girls were pushing her to go faster. Emma slowly climbed up. As a 212 pound man, I couldn't fit into this toddler mountain. She was on her own. I thank god, she survived.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

First Haircut

I don't know, did anyone see that my hair looked like a bird's nest caught in a tornado. Were people just being polite? Well, low and be-hold, today I got my first haircut. I still have curly hair but all the split ends are gone and I have a sassy summer cut for spring break.

Daddy: I've cut Emma's hair a couple of times, but the daddy snip-it in the living room hair salon is not a glamor destination. Cozy's is the name of the hair cutting place on Columbus Avenue, which features Dora on DVD, giant giraffes and colorful blow-driers.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Spring is Here (Sort of)

Passover, Easter and the G-20 Summit are some of the signs of spring. I am ready to start gymnastics, biking and planting a garden.

Daddy: Going to the play ground yesterday, seeing all the babies and mommies and daddies with their stollers and nanny mafiosa groups, let me know all is falling into place on the upper west side playground scene.