Sunday, January 27, 2008

Children's Museum


Why do they call it a museum? It's an awesome place with green hippos, Dora the Explora and TVs that sing. I was at an adult museum, where they had bones of old animals and stuffed beasts and giants minerals and dusty coffins. A children's museum should have really old children's shoes, prehistoric cribs, the first McClaren ever made. We could see the first mommy giving birth, the first stork. Museum curators, board of directors, let's name museums for what they are and the Children's Museum on 83rd Street is simply the Chill/Bug-out Museum.

It's true. Emma has a fair point.
Maybe the word Museum is a word whose time has past.
Maybe next time we'll see what's happening at MOMA.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Potty Time


I had to go and I went. Watch out world.

It was as if the sea parted and all the parents and grand parents through history walked through the great sea walls. It was a mighty miracle as my wife and I saw Emma plop herself on the potty. I'd like to say we convinced, cojolled or begged her to go to the next developmental stage, but really, it was Elmo's Potty time DVD. Emma decided if the potty was good enough for Elmo, it was good enough for her.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Problems/Solutions in San Diego


My parents finally took me to the San Diego Zoo. There are no pictures because daddy forgot to put a digital disk in the camera.
“My dream of having photos at a zoo is shot,” says mommy. Daddy pulled out a hand held digital video and begged for mercy.
The monkeys taught me lessons on how to get what I want, just swing from a vine and attack. The hippos taught me how to truly enjoy a poop. Hippo poop is as big as our luggage. The turtles stretch their necks out really far, so they can see beyond their opaque shells. I wonder if I live in a zoo. I sleep in a caged crib. Deep thoughts...

Things you have to do with your kids, Lego Land, Disney Land, Sea World, and the Zoo. There is this precipice of parental have to-dos past down from locals, travel agents and in-laws. Over come perils: dropped off mommy and baby and stroller and then parked the car two light years away, and met them,carried the baby up steep hills, entertained on line to see Panda, sippee cups, cookies, diaper bag, stroller.
Lesson, always check batteries are charged, memory disks empty and in place, to avoid scorn of wife. The digital camera wasn’t “Honey, I’ll shoot some fantastic video.” The battery symbol on the video monitor had a slash through its center. I didn't tell my wife, and like the lights of Chanukah, was able to shoot a video on empty.
I was really like all the man strives to be in extreme crisis. I accept the citizen of the day award. Thank-you.

Monday, December 31, 2007

2008 Oy-Vey


Well, 2007 is coming to an end. I feel it was a great year. Resolutions:
1. Speak in full sentences, using subject and verbs.
2. Change own diaper.
3. Get I-phone
4. Strengthen core-ab muscles.
5. Read Death be not Proud.
6. Get blog sponsors.

2007: Emma went to school twice a week, I sang Mr. Cellaphane Man and impregnated my wife. I’m not supposed to know the sex but I’ve just started telling people it’s a boy. According to the experts, we’re not supposed to tell Emma a baby brother or sister is awaiting her in late April of 2008. Toddlers are not big on visualizing the future. In any case, she’ll find out soon enough, and the family will have grown, doubled!

Friday, December 21, 2007

One semester down















Well, I've completed my first semester of school. I feel I'm ready for Kindergarden or freshman year at Columbia.

Our goal is to have Emma finish college before she is 18 and surpass any of Mayor Bloomberg's educational guide posts.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Holiday Greetings


With December 25th looming ahead my parents decided to make a Holiday card. Do you think it's strange they included themselves in the card? It's kind of cute, they still think thier image is of interest to other people.

I don't know why I included myself and my beautiful wife in the pic. I kind of know people just want to see the truly cute 2 and a half year old angel but maybe some people will respect my good cheer and good wishes.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Nor-easter


I don't like the way my dad says "Nor-easter." It sounds like he's afraid. So I told him, "Daddy, bagel." And in deed we survived the winds coming off the hudson, the slushy ice, the pepply rain and enjoyed a toasted bagel.

It's true, every once in a while I feel afraid. I pretend the wind can cause no harm, and yet the nor-easter sends a chill through me, for wild winds don't care what a nice person I am.